You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
