We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize