Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Randomize
