Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
