ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
