OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
