2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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