A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
