guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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