shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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