All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
