we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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