I cockslap morals
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
