Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
