No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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