pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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