Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
