alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize