Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
