If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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