wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
