thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
