3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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