Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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