You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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