Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
