just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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