Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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