I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
