i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
