Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
