I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
