I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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