In the future we'll all be gay
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
