i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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