He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
