I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
