Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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