why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wish there were birth control emojis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
