you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
