I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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