you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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