After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
