I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
