Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
