So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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