Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
