First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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