508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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