Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
