youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
