Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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