Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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