it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize