I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
