What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
