i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
