i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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