I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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