so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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