youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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