my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
