I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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