If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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