This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
