my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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