I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The Olympian is in my bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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