I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
