i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
