ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
