you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
