she was so not down for the gang bang
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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