Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
