she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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