I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This house was built for laser tag.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
