I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
