Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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