I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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