What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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